Friday, June 29, 2007

The Last Farewell

So yesterday was it-- yesterday was the last day of school, the 200pound chipmunk's last day at the helm before officially retiring, the last day that I would be a member of staff. Had I stayed and struggled through this year (not an option) or returned at some point and finished the year, that Last Day would have looked very different. But I only have this path to follow, I can't be concerned about what lay down the others.

C let me know what time the farewell assembly was-- the one where all the awards were given, the teachers and parents thanked, and well-wishes proffered for those moving on. I don't exactly know why I wanted to go back, perhaps I felt I had something to prove. Perhaps I just wanted to lay old ghosts to rest.

I snuck in, after the assembly had begun, stopping first at the office to hand over my keys. As I turned them around the key ring, releasing them one by one, my hands shook as I placed them in the secretary's palm. I asked her to peek into the gym and see if there were seats still in the back, and so it was I snuck in like a thief to a place that I used to treat as a second home, and never felt unwelcome. Now, it seemed foreboding, and unfamiliar, and still rather toxic.

It felt quite surreal-- every mannerism, every joke, every display of his power and control was so familiarly repellant. It was amusing to see him talk for the whole hour, not giving anyone else the opportunity to speak or display mastery of crowd control. Mostly, I was embarrassed for him-- it was obvious why he went almost fully 2 years past retirement. It may have been love of the job, but more it was love of Power.

At the end, each class made a small presentation to him, and the crowning moment came when a grandma in the audience stood and said "I think we should all stand" and led a standing ovation. Well......all but one member of the audience. Maybe that was childish, and certainly it was in poor form, and had I not been sitting in the back I might not have had the cajones to sit there while everyone else around me rose and applauded. But there was No.Way.

I slipped out as the kids were leaving the gym and into my old room. I waited until the class came in, and in that moment realized what I had come for-- squeals of delight as the kids saw me, hugged me, scolded me for not coming back before. I didn't stay long, just enough to top up my tank.

On my way out the side door, D stopped me to give me a card and a gift certificate as my Farewell Present. I smirked when I saw the amount, for I knew right off it was at least half what they would have spent on the Chipmunk's present. I wondered how they arrived at the figure they had. It worked out to $5 a year I'd worked there.

That includes this year, though, so the joke's on them.....It reminds me how abusers and manipulators are able to keep the minions and the victims in their grip. Well. I didn't stand for him, nor get on my knees for him. He no longer has power over me.

He even wrote a message in my Good Bye card....but didn't sign his name. Ha. Perfect......

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Karma, my cyber-friend, Karma.

In the end, we all get what we deserve. For those of us with a limited, mortal viewpoint, sometimes the Karma comes too late, or in the wrong amount, or just not the way we would have it.

Sometimes we just have to disengage and Karma take its course.

YOU are starting a fabulous new journey (actually middle school is more of a trip than a journey!)

Most of my career has been with middle schoolers - I love 'em. I'm willing to bet you will too. I'm also willing to bet they will love you as well.

You have the right personality, right experiences, right attitude to develop the energy / synergy that can make middle school such a good place to teach.

It's Karma.

JustOneTeacher said...

Ha! Indeed.....now my challenge is to remember to stay humble-- I suspect Middle School Student's will *help* me there....!!

Anonymous said...

Good post.