The Minion

We had had our differences, but never had we not gotten along. Oh, but this year was different. It was gloves off time for me. As I was to become fond of saying, I was a real bitch that Fall--a bitch with a capital "C". I lashed out mainly at the Prince, but the Minion got a lot of my venom too. Not that it wasn't deserved. She had decided that he "wasn't so bad" and she defended him at every turn. She also spent an inordinate amount of time "filing" her special files in his office and chatting merrily away to him.

She got it full barrel from me when he told me she wouldn't take my class so that I could take the library. It wasn't that that made me so angry--as she found out--it was the fact that AGAIN someone was making secret deals behind everyone else's backs, and getting what they want. She, of course, never saw it, refused to believe that she was behaving in any way that was not altruistic. Then came the day she leveled her Minion Glare at me and said that she could not take any more of my anger and lashing out. That we had to work as a team. And she made sure I couldn't avoid the conversation by having it in the staffroom. In front of everyone. Bringing everyone into the melodrama, that of COURSE ended with a hugfest and minion pats-on-the back for being so brave.

And me......I got the empty satisfaction of saying what everyone already knew--I felt like something stuck to the bottom of a shoe.

Oh yeah, that was a great day. Topped only by the day I was told to go apologize to him. That was the day I left.

The 200 pound Incompetent Chipmunk

He sat smugly behind his desk. He had his benevolent dictator face on. The one he wore when he knew you didn't like what he had to say, but it was his job to make the hard decisions. If only he had figured out, somewhere along the line, that so many of the "unpopular" decisions he was forced to make were a direct result of his incompetent bungling. The other thing he didn't get was that Leaders are called upon all the time to make hard decisions, but a good leader can make even the worst situation bearable, because they have the trust of their employees. Trust and Respect. Completely Foreign Concepts.

So he sat there, as I went over all the reasons I had for recommending the staffing assignments I had-- If I were to take over the Library and Learning Assistance, the computer lab would be part of that, allowing for a deeper and richer use of educational technology (the subject area of my graduate degree, after all). He could teach grade 4, with his #1 minion, or with a n00b... but anyway.....I had a bunch of different scenarios, and they were all met with the same response: NO.....no....No....No....no....NO.....

And there we were. The perfect stalemate. He, of course, figuring he had won, and made the final staffing decisions: I would teach grade 4 full time, He would be the Learning Assistant *specialist* and the new staff member coming in, who had no interest, desire to learn or affinity for Library or technology would of course take over the Library.

One other person spoke out and supported me. One. Oh, but wait until you hear what his minion did.....oh boy......

Well, now it only hurts when I breathe

And so.....here it is well into the New Year, and checking my inner barometer, this is what I see:

I have shed most of the anger and bitterness

I see the strength in what I did, not the weakness

I am not "taking a rest" I am saving my spirit

I am, and will continue for some time to be, grieving.

It took me a while to get that-- even though it was one of the first things the counsellor said to me "You are grieving the loss of your job, as well as the loss of income and respect" (in referencing the 40% cut in time last year). I realize, and have added, that I also grieve the loss of the dream. I don't mean just that high and lofty "I'm going to change lives of Children" dream, but also the pedestrian dream of going to work everyday and liking your co-workers and having a beer with them on Friday night.

There are a few more hurdles yet in front of me-- I have an appointment with the Acting Super. How appropriate, as Acting Super is just what she does.

My plan is the lay out for her just what has gone on, and how it is now, while not her FAULT, it is her responsibility. We'll see how that goes.....

In the meanwhile, I prepare a blog in my head explaining how, as each day dawns, "E" is not the problem. He is a symptom, and he became the catalyst. But, he is not so relevant and powerful as to be the Root of the Problem. He is nothing more than a hair on one of the tributary roots.


Oh yes......I am taking back my power.....