Monday, December 4, 2006

Who is responsible?

If I am the one and only person responsible for my success, how much blame for what's gone on can I take? All of it, then? Or am I just a bit more powerless than I thought?

My attitude started to slip after my second child was born. I returned to work part time after my Mat leave, and things had begun to slide. The Prince at the time was nearing retirement-- as had been the 2 previous admin, and of course, little did I know then, the one to follow.

I don't know what changed-- it was a combination, I guess, of Enrollment Decline, increasing Teacher dissatisfaction, and changes in Senior Admin- changes that would lead to a regime of power-mad hostilities, and an atmosphere of mistrust and demoralization.

As I look back now, I see the beginnings in the constant negativity in the Staff Room. My "role" was always that of Cheerleader-- the morale booster. I got a fine thank you for my efforts at the end of that Prince's first year-- in my efforts to be convivial and my tendency to be outrageous, I was accused of impropriety -- in short, one of the staff was deputized to ask me if I was having an affair with him. Now, truth be told, I suppose he would have welcomed that, and I am a terrible flirt--but, we never, as they say "went there".....but that accusation, that loss of trust that followed, that raising of the barriers was the start of the end.

I have come to realize over these weeks that it is not enough to sit back and think thoughts like "Oh, it could be worse" or "It's not my problem" or "Just ignore it, no need to rock the boat".


It's not enough. When a colleague is hurting, when the atmosphere is poisonous, it is not enough to close your door and refuse to get involved.

At one point last year, D. said to me "We should have got up and walked out when he started talking to you like that" and later I thought....yes.....they should have. But it never happened......And then, one day, I was the one who got up and walked out.....

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