Like the Phoenix.....

So, I've accepted a job, part time, at a local middle school. It happens that the school is where H.El(l) kids go when they escape move up, so I will know a bunch of the kids right off the bat.

The big thing is the shift in atmosphere and the improvement in my attitude. Thinking back to this time last year, I hardly recognize myself. I remember clearly the sense of dread, the complete lack of motivation and the desperate panic of not wanting to go back, and certainly not wanting to face Evil Chipmunk. The husband of course didn't understand, and wasn't especially sympathetic. It's all well and good to say "Just shut your door and do your job", but teaching just doesn't work that way.

So, this will be a growth year, for certain, and other opportunities continue to emerge.

And, most importantly, I'm gaining perspective, and learning to depend on my own sense of self, strength and right.

So I figured out who was responsible

Turns out it was me, all along. Oh no, I am not the one who is an incompetent, lying, useless toerag, but I am responsible for my own feelings. So here is the deal--HRH may well push me around and insist I am not qualified to teach above grade 6, the union may well continue to be feeble and ineffectual, and the Ghost of PHOD may hover over SuperChin's shoulder and create turmoil and grief. And there is no question on this Earth that the 200 pound Chipmunk will continue in his incompetent arrogance, remaining happily and haplessly oblivious to the destruction he leaves in his wake.

I may very well not get to do what I want to. I may very well be spoken to in ways that are harsh and unfair and reprehensible.

But.

I can feel however I want about it. They Cannot Make Me Feel any way I don't choose to.

They can "win"--and they might--but they cannot make me lose. Not anymore.

JOT 2-0

Merry Christmas, baby

I am not well yet-- little things remind me--like not being able to get enthusiastic about decorating for Christmas. On the other hand, I know change is afoot. Both kids with their heads in the mixing bowl the other night, asking WHY was mommy doing so much baking. Obviously, this is a new phenomenon for them.....

So the roast is about to go in, the potatoes are cooking, slowly, and the cookies and treats are ready, the house is warm and fragrant.....

And I am ready to, quietly, celebrate.